Teenage Dirtbag

bored

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 23:20:32 GMT

im bored bored bored bored bored- waiting for joe and jake to come get me- they said they would..... i hope they do. im a loser lol. lonely.

sorry people

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 19:37:59 GMT

I know i havent updated in forever but ive been really busy. I lost my job (number 1) so ive been busy trying to find a new one- but I have an interview at ups friday :-) plus i met this really really hott guy- jake wallace- yummy. I think he might like me tew yaay! so i will try to update more- i miss you all!

not trying to be concieted (sp?)

Sat, 01 Nov 2003 18:00:13 GMT

almost everywhere I go I end up meeting some guy that is somewhat interested in me, and I could potentially be interested in too- but i keep going back to justin...I always think, well, what about justin? cause I know he really cares- and he likes to be with me, and he hasn't been with anyone else since we broke up (besides kristen, that lasted a week) im just so confused- why do i keep waiting for him when I'm not sure if we are together by his standards, or what- he acts like im his girlfriend, he calls me his girlfriend, can someone try to help me understand?!??

yaay

Thu, 30 Oct 2003 00:52:29 GMT

Kellar got his liscence today! I'm so proud of him!

me again

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 21:07:00 GMT

I have to leave for class soon but I want another journal so- if anyone would be nice enough to get a hold of me and possibly let me use a code it would be really appreciated. thanks.

i have not updated in a while

Wed, 22 Oct 2003 20:54:13 GMT

School has been great- but I hate my job. Ive been drinking a lot lately too- even at my house and my rents dont care. Many many things have happened. Me and Kellar have been hanging out alot- alot alot. He might get his liscence today i guess, if he passes. I am going to go to a movie with him sunday maybe- and make him drive lol. I've seen justin a little bit, usually on sundays- and things have been getting better i think- he's been really up on compliments. I was driving with courtney and colin (we were all drunk but we had to go to the gas station). I told courtney there were deer and as she went to look i jerked the wheel and made her hit her head on the window, it was funny. There was a party at my uncles house, my cousin matt drank ALOT and started it on me (gross) then he grabbed holly by her hair and told her that she was a red head and that she liked it rough. that really pissed her off and a whole bunch of drama happened so we missed out on going to the corn maze. Ricky tried to kick me so I attacked him, and made him hit his head on the door to my house a few times. He laughed. I was joking with justin about getting drug by my hair back to his cave, so he grabbed me and pulled me under the blankets and we wrestled for 2 hours. it was interesting. he always makes me watch football. Im actually starting to like it though. My mom bought me a new cell phone, cause I was gonna buy one myself until i found out that it would be a 400$ deposit, so she was nice enough to help me. Peace of mind is breaking up- sorta. :-( not cool. I was reminiscing with courtney and found a whole bunch of old pictures and home videos- it was very interesting. i found a really old letter from justin- very sweet, i love him. anyways- i dont think thats everything but you are probably confused as hell right now so I'll let you chew on them apples for a day or so. PEACE

this sucks

Sun, 05 Oct 2003 01:39:12 GMT

I went to get my books today at stautzenberger's orientation- and guess what? I have to take my lip ring out. Talk about shitty. Oh well- i could always get it pierced again. By the way- Smallville is an awesome show- everyone should watch it. I just bought the whole first season on dvd :-)

yesh!

Tue, 30 Sep 2003 15:51:46 GMT

I may have found an apartment I can afford everybody! The only thing is- is that if i move out i wont be able to write in here any more. sorry kids.

Mon, 29 Sep 2003 13:07:47 GMT

I was complaining to Brent the other night about how no one loved me (i was having a really bad day) and he got all pissed off and said it was because I don't LET anyone fall in love with me. Maybe he's right.

Had to pick up Kellar from jojo's house cause he was tripping balls. He asked me how to get a dead fish out of a fish tank. What a wierdo.

I need to be fed and petted and washed and looked after

Wed, 24 Sep 2003 00:18:38 GMT

Boys are very hurtful.

me finally posting again

Tue, 23 Sep 2003 00:05:16 GMT

i have some serious spending issues. Not good- not good at all. Anywho- I went over to Justin's last night for Danny's birthday- had some jello shots and arbor mist- justin had one and a half BOWLS of jello shots, one and a half BOTTLES of arbor mist, and smoked weed with Hankins. Needless to say- when he finally decided to go to bed- I was putting something in my car and as soon as he got next me he just lays down on the ground and starts puking. Yeah- i felt really bad. So I sat with him until he was finished- all he kept saying was "thank you" and "im sorry". When I first got there he had a hickey on his neck. I asked him who it was from- but he wouldnt tell me... said it happened friday and that he was really fucked up. After he puked all over the ground we went into the bathroom so he could wash his face- and he looked up in the mirror and saw that my mascara was smeared. He asked me if i cried at all that night.... obviously I told him no. Dont want him to know how he makes me feel anymore. I went to bed with him cause I was tired... but I woke up at 3:30 am and wanted to leave and he told me he really wanted me to stay with him- so i did.

I REALLY NEED TO STOP HURTING MYSELF LIKE THIS.

sad

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 02:10:07 GMT

all the kittens at work have panleukopenia. (like parvovirus in dogs, but much harder to treat) so we have to put down all but the head-tilt kitty... very sad. (tear)

low

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 00:50:32 GMT

I just wanted to say hi.
Is that so bad?
I'm in love with you.
I can barely eat
Hardly sleep
Pull me out of this
Let me know
Or let me go
For good

interesting night

Fri, 12 Sep 2003 05:09:26 GMT

Actually got a phone call and it was Sterling. Went over to his house- he was being interesting asking all sorts of questions. (like "have you been here before?") Sat down at the kitchen table and had a interesting convo over a few corona's. (he kept putting lime in mine for me, and cut himself ) He wants me to come to SevenPly to check out some skateboards. Said he could hook me up with a decent for for like 30 bucks. That would be cool. Also said he could help me learn how to skateboard. Even cooler. Once you get past his hair he actually is a really cute kid.

Been hanging out with Brent again. It's weird cause he acts like he is so interested in me but that is a BIG turnoff in my book for some reason. Maybe if he acted like he hated me I would be interested? that's how it goes with justin. He's mean to me, i fall in love with him. That seems really fucked up when I read it. Brent's a really good guy and I kinda wish i were interested- but there is no challenge there because I know he is interested. It kinda bugs me that everytime we are together he is really touchy feely and I don't like that. Dont wanna be touched all the time. Plus he still talks about Dannielle- no big deal really.... but for future reference- if you like a girl, do not talk about the girl you liked before her. Does not score you points. Unless it makes her jealous which just creates bad situations. Sorry I cant give you what you wanted too- but i have a nerotic obsession with the boy spoken of above.

Cant wait to go to Ekoostik Hookah tomorrow- hopefully no bad things happen. I wanna go to SevenPly really bad after I get this check im waiting for tew. Fun times.

Kristen is great

Thu, 11 Sep 2003 17:23:28 GMT

I saw her at meijer yesterday-and we decided to hang out. Elijah bit through his lip and had to get stitches :-( poor kid. He's been really cuddly lately- he kept coming over to me and putting his arms out, so i'd pick him up and he'd put his head on my shoulder and be all cute about it. AWWWW. Danny is really funny when he talks about ummm- anything. He should be a comedian. Ernie hung out with us tew cause I spotted him at meijer- we all went back to Kristen's house. I guess Chuck and Carrie's baby is really ugly.... I wanna see it though- i havent talked to them in the longest time. Babies are too time consuming. Of course- after work, Justin and Hankins came over to smoke- I didn't. Just sat there and watched them act like dumbasses. Andy Buenger and Todd called me. Said I should come over and hang out sometime. :-D I miss those guys. I've pretty much lost touch with a lot of people from Napoleon that I used to hang out with. The only girls that I hang out with anymore are Amanda and Kristen. They're cool- when I get my money back for my car me and Kristen are going on an all day shopping thing. It'll be great. Hopefully Danny will watch Elijah. I guess Danny is going to get stationed in Florida in January i think. That's gonna suck- because Kristen and Elijah are going with him. Eh- Justin will have the whole house to himself again- maybe he won't be such a dick anymore about his sister being there. Anywho- thats it- gotta go- talk to whoever cares later.

Some people are lame

Wed, 10 Sep 2003 15:50:51 GMT

I guess Dannielle is pissed at me because one of the days I had a lot of shit to do she called me and asked me to pick her up and I will ALWAYS pick her up if she needs a ride. But that day I had a lot of shit to do and after I picked her up I made a comment about how everyone wants me to pick them up and take them somewhere and that it seemed like I always was getting calls from dannielle that she needed a ride- I wouldnt have even said anything cause it normally doesnt bother me if she needs a ride, I was really bitchy that day though- I had WAAAYYYY too much to do. But now she is driving her car again and doesnt even call or anything so if one of you were in my position, wouldn't you think that that person really only did want you around for that reason? Anyways- this is the reason I dont like girls. Dannielle was my only girl friend..... but ive been hanging out with Amanda H alot lately..... she's funny. My car keys got locked in pet supplies plus because of her lol. She said I could move in with her which might be cool if I decided to do it.

I get 1,500 for my old car. They finally appraised it. So I get to pay the next payment on my car, catch up on some other bills, and buy new clothes and such. Maybe if I have enough I will buy a cheap digital camera. I hung out with Brent last night, went over to kellar's, got my hands on some smoke and some stackers, smoked them up, took brent home, and went over to Justin's for a little bit. He was so tired when I got there but Chris H wouldnt leave- so I told justin that I would wait for him inside (kinda trying to get chris to leave). Justin came in a few minutes later, so I tucked him in and he wanted me to lay with him but i knew he was tired and I was really up on certain things. I knew I would just keep him awake- so i told him night and left. Im kinda pissed because during all that driving I did last night I lost one of the hub caps on my car- went back today to see if I could find it anywhere- no such luck. Oh well- ill buy better ones once I get $.

ive been really down lately

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 19:13:58 GMT

Dont even know why. Im sick of the whole depression thing if thats even what this is. I dont want to have to take pills to be "normal" and I dont want to waste time talking to some person about my "issues" I dont HAVE "issues" Im just sad and I cant feel better sometimes.

I take this Justin thing too hard. Why cant I just get over it when I know he doesn't love me- or maybe doesnt even care about me as much as I care about him. Is it possible that maybe he does only want me for sex? Or could he ever really love me again? Maybe he never loved me in the first place? I don't want other guys. Especially the guys that meet me online and after about 5 sentences, "wanna call me? hyuck hyuck!" faggots. Why would I want to call you? And if I meet you at a party or something- yesh I might give you my phone number- but that doesn't mean I want to get with you. I like having people to talk to that's all. If it werent for justin- maybe. But Justin is a big factor and I cant drop the idea that he might want me back someday.

Yeah- I know.... I'm a BIG loser. Never again will I let any man get a hold on me like Justin did. NEVER. In any relationship I want to have the power, the control.... I definately don't like feeling like I need someone.

umph

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 12:26:20 GMT

I am a very unloved person....everybody hates me. I think I am just a sex toy that people play with for a short period of time, but the put it in their little hiding spot until they want to play with it again. I was supposed to actually hang out with Justin last night. He was supposed to call me after he got off of work..... so I stayed up until about 2 am but must have fallen asleep shortly after that. I woke up when the phone rang only to realize that it is 8 am and it's not justin calling. Then i checked the caller id to see if justin had called. Guess what? he hadnt. So i checked the caller id on my cell phone to see if he had called. Guess what? he didn't. So i practically started balling right there. Im sick- I feel like shit- and the man that I am in love with for whatever reason hates me. Isnt my life great?!?

cool

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 02:06:50 GMT

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

got a new car

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 02:11:05 GMT

1996 cavalier- its great- still miss my old car though. Dan bought me some patchouli from the shed and a bob marley sticker smoking a spliff and put it on the back of my car. Also i got a new steering wheel cover-its blue. :-) me so happy.

i had sex 6 times yesterday. go me!

umf

Thu, 28 Aug 2003 16:16:14 GMT

i keep getting email about viagra. its pissing me off. i am not a guy and i dont need viagra assholes. lol

I stole this idea from the gingerbread book: MY COMMUNE

Thu, 28 Aug 2003 03:07:10 GMT

-My Commune-
Located somewhere in Jamaica
Everyone will wear Kellar’s Infamous Guacamole pants. There will be pillows and tapestries and comfy broken couches for everyone to sleep on. There will be a hired bouncer at our door to keep people like Hillary Nye out. The walls will be painted in psychedelic colors from the people of my commune having paintball fights inside. We will have a vast supply of trippy drugs for those who want them. No one will ever run out of cell phone minutes. Patchouli oil will be burning constantly, therefore no one can complain about the smell of it sticking to clothes. Everyone will listen to Bob Marley and other kinds of music (the good kind) because nobody can ever be bitchy when Marley is playing. Nate will drive by every day, hanging out the window yelling my name (just like in my dream.) No one will ever be called a slut, a whore, or anything of the like no matter how much sex they do or don’t have with however many people. It will be okay for everyone to be perma-stoned and have unwashed hair/dreds. The cops will never ever bother us, or if they do- our house will be so mellow that they will wear guacamole pants too, smoke a spliff with us and want to stay forever. It will be okay to love two people at the same time and there will never be any jealousy- anyone can have anyone they want and be willing to share that person too. There will never be such a thing as car accidents or hoods flying up into windshields because everyone will drive bumper cars. Dan will have a lifetime supply of free passes to XOs and be willing to share them with everyone who joins my commune (with our permission of course.) There will be no more book covers or high school classes- everyone will learn everything they need to know just by living life, and they will make a great deal of money doing it. Although there isn’t much need for money in my commune because everyone there will share. Amanda will bring me pills to pop as needed and I will let her and Khris stay if they like. Ryan will not have to move to Vegas- he and his dog can come stay with me in my commune, and I will save the biggest couch for him in case he brings his girlfriend too. The only bed will be for me- leader of the commune- and everyone will want to sleep with me due to the fact that my bed is very comfortable and very large (can fit about 12 people in it). People will never get kicked out of my commune, unless under extreme circumstances. Justin will be there, and he and Kellar will be great friends. (and maybe, just maybe, he will actually love me) Justin’s friends Joe, Carmen, and Jason will come to stay at my commune too. There will be such a large amount of weed and alcohol that they will completely forget about coke/crack. Job? What job? We will make money just by living like I said before. There will be plenty of women around to tease the boys- but none as beautiful as the women in which I allow to live in my commune. The women who come to tease the boys will not allow the boys to touch them (just like strippers) and they will leave every night. These women will only be allowed to come to my commune once in their life… that way the boys in my commune do not get attached to anyone but the girls that live in my commune. The women of the commune will dress up in grass skirts and coconut bras on occasion. Go outside in the sand by the beach and cook for the men of the commune on the grills in the sand and dance erotically under the stars until the men are seduced by the warm salt air, good food, and the image of sexy, tan female bodies dancing in the sand. Everyone will own at least one pet and those pets will be spoiled in my commune. There will be no need for anything like a humane society, all of the unwanted pets can come stay in my commune until they find good homes else where.

this sucks

Tue, 26 Aug 2003 20:42:09 GMT

I gotta go car shopping today- basically my insurance company is forcing me to total my car- and trying to salvage it is going to be too much of a pain in the ass. So- its good bye 1990 Chevrolet Cavalier z-24 v-6 3.1 we had some good times and I loved you while it lasted but now we have to part our ways but I will miss you in ways that you can not imagine. Oh- i had soo many good times in that beefy car.

Tyler randomly came over today- i didnt even know who it was who pulled into my drive way- i was sitting under my car port reading Gingerbread. I saw all the highschool kids driving home from the school- it made me miss it. So i went downstairs and looked at all the stuff i got from last year before and at gradiation. Then I called justin to see how the first day was- obviously boring but he said the first semester is going to be super easy so thats good. He's coming to pick me up after he gets offa work tonight cause he doesnt know how to cover books.... lol how cute. A senior in HS and still cant cover books. I love him.

im extremely shaky and i dont know why---- dont wanna lose my precious car- im gonna cry when we take it to the junkyard.

no subject

Sun, 24 Aug 2003 15:57:01 GMT

The other day when i stayed the night at justin's house, justin informed me that his best friend Drew told him to stay away from me, that I was bad for justin. Now every time i see justin I just keep thinking about what drew said. Maybe I am bad for him- i dont see how. Im going to college, i have a great job, and a great future ahead of me so far or so it seems. yeah- I do smoke, drink, pop pills on occasion, and smoke pot... But how could that be soo bad for justin when he does all the same things except pop pills? Oh, and he doesnt smoke cigarettes, but he does smoke cigars. Maybe I really should just stay away from him. I guess I'm not as good of a person as I thought I was.

p.s. Dannielle- if you read this, i tried to call you last night but you didnt answer (probably cause your phone is fucked up) but you left your cell phone charger at my house.

my car is fucked

Sat, 23 Aug 2003 20:46:22 GMT

to keep the story short when I was at work yesterday someone (dont know who- i didnt see or hear anything) someone backed into my car- fucked up the hood, the grill, the lights, and the bumper. I drove it home and it was fine, actually the hood was stuck shut. When i got home ryan grebe pryed the hood open and checked the engine and shit, it was all fine, the frame was bent just a little but not bad enough to be serious damage. After he popped the hood he told me that it should be fine to drive it and that the hood still locked shut and all that- so i decided that I wanted to go get some gas and cigarettes before i went to bed cause i was supposed to work today (i called off). Anywho, i turned off of finzel onto dutch and about a couple of yards after the stop sign the fucking hood flew up and cracked my windshield scared the shit out of me and damaged the hood even more. I turned my emergency lights on and started balling... called my brother to come get me and I was getting pissed off at the fact that people just kept driving by even though you could see that MY FUCKING HOOD WAS ONTOP OF MY FUCKING CAR but you know, people these days they just dont give a fuck. Someone did stop though- i made my brother drive my car back to my house and that nice man that stopped followed him to my house and then back to my brothers truck where i was sitting waiting. My brother took me to McDonalds cause i just couldnt stand being home. At mcdonalds i was on justins phone for about an hour calling my mom, calling off of work, talking to my brother, ect ect. I ended up staying the night at justins house and my mom was really understanding about it. I just hope we can get the son of a bitch fixed... granted i do love my car- but I am soo pissed that someone hit it and didnt even bother to leave a note or anything, they just fucking left. It must not have hurt their car that bad---- assholes.