Current mood:	thoughtful
Current music:	Eli's CD "Da Shit II" lol

ive been really down lately
Dont even know why. Im sick of the whole depression thing if thats even what this is. I dont want to have to take pills to be "normal" and I dont want to waste time talking to some person about my "issues" I dont HAVE "issues" Im just sad and I cant feel better sometimes.

I take this Justin thing too hard. Why cant I just get over it when I know he doesn't love me- or maybe doesnt even care about me as much as I care about him. Is it possible that maybe he does only want me for sex? Or could he ever really love me again? Maybe he never loved me in the first place? I don't want other guys. Especially the guys that meet me online and after about 5 sentences, "wanna call me? hyuck hyuck!" faggots. Why would I want to call you? And if I meet you at a party or something- yesh I might give you my phone number- but that doesn't mean I want to get with you. I like having people to talk to that's all. If it werent for justin- maybe. But Justin is a big factor and I cant drop the idea that he might want me back someday.

Yeah- I know.... I'm a BIG loser. Never again will I let any man get a hold on me like Justin did. NEVER. In any relationship I want to have the power, the control.... I definately don't like feeling like I need someone.