Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
|
|
6:19 pm - bored
|
|
im bored bored bored bored bored- waiting for joe and jake to come get me- they said they would..... i hope they do. im a loser lol. lonely.
|
|
|
|
|
2:35 pm - sorry people
|
I know i havent updated in forever but ive been really busy. I lost my job (number 1) so ive been busy trying to find a new one- but I have an interview at ups friday :-) plus i met this really really hott guy- jake wallace- yummy. I think he might like me tew yaay! so i will try to update more- i miss you all!
current mood:  ditzy
|
|
|
|
Saturday, November 1st, 2003
|
|
12:56 pm - not trying to be concieted (sp?)
|
almost everywhere I go I end up meeting some guy that is somewhat interested in me, and I could potentially be interested in too- but i keep going back to justin...I always think, well, what about justin? cause I know he really cares- and he likes to be with me, and he hasn't been with anyone else since we broke up (besides kristen, that lasted a week) im just so confused- why do i keep waiting for him when I'm not sure if we are together by his standards, or what- he acts like im his girlfriend, he calls me his girlfriend, can someone try to help me understand?!??
current mood:  confused
current music: AFI
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, October 29th, 2003
|
|
7:51 pm - yaay
|
Kellar got his liscence today! I'm so proud of him!
current mood:  ecstatic
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
|
|
5:05 pm - me again
|
|
I have to leave for class soon but I want another journal so- if anyone would be nice enough to get a hold of me and possibly let me use a code it would be really appreciated. thanks.
|
|
|
|
|
4:43 pm - i have not updated in a while
|
School has been great- but I hate my job. Ive been drinking a lot lately too- even at my house and my rents dont care. Many many things have happened. Me and Kellar have been hanging out alot- alot alot. He might get his liscence today i guess, if he passes. I am going to go to a movie with him sunday maybe- and make him drive lol. I've seen justin a little bit, usually on sundays- and things have been getting better i think- he's been really up on compliments. I was driving with courtney and colin (we were all drunk but we had to go to the gas station). I told courtney there were deer and as she went to look i jerked the wheel and made her hit her head on the window, it was funny. There was a party at my uncles house, my cousin matt drank ALOT and started it on me (gross) then he grabbed holly by her hair and told her that she was a red head and that she liked it rough. that really pissed her off and a whole bunch of drama happened so we missed out on going to the corn maze. Ricky tried to kick me so I attacked him, and made him hit his head on the door to my house a few times. He laughed. I was joking with justin about getting drug by my hair back to his cave, so he grabbed me and pulled me under the blankets and we wrestled for 2 hours. it was interesting. he always makes me watch football. Im actually starting to like it though. My mom bought me a new cell phone, cause I was gonna buy one myself until i found out that it would be a 400$ deposit, so she was nice enough to help me. Peace of mind is breaking up- sorta. :-( not cool. I was reminiscing with courtney and found a whole bunch of old pictures and home videos- it was very interesting. i found a really old letter from justin- very sweet, i love him. anyways- i dont think thats everything but you are probably confused as hell right now so I'll let you chew on them apples for a day or so. PEACE
current mood:  hyper
|
|
|
|
Saturday, October 4th, 2003
|
|
9:38 pm - this sucks
|
|
I went to get my books today at stautzenberger's orientation- and guess what? I have to take my lip ring out. Talk about shitty. Oh well- i could always get it pierced again. By the way- Smallville is an awesome show- everyone should watch it. I just bought the whole first season on dvd :-)
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
|
|
11:51 am - yesh!
|
|
I may have found an apartment I can afford everybody! The only thing is- is that if i move out i wont be able to write in here any more. sorry kids.
|
|
|
|
Monday, September 29th, 2003
|
|
9:07 am
|
I was complaining to Brent the other night about how no one loved me (i was having a really bad day) and he got all pissed off and said it was because I don't LET anyone fall in love with me. Maybe he's right.
Had to pick up Kellar from jojo's house cause he was tripping balls. He asked me how to get a dead fish out of a fish tank. What a wierdo.
current mood:  tired
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
|
|
8:18 pm - I need to be fed and petted and washed and looked after
|
|
|
Monday, September 22nd, 2003
|
|
8:04 pm - me finally posting again
|
i have some serious spending issues. Not good- not good at all. Anywho- I went over to Justin's last night for Danny's birthday- had some jello shots and arbor mist- justin had one and a half BOWLS of jello shots, one and a half BOTTLES of arbor mist, and smoked weed with Hankins. Needless to say- when he finally decided to go to bed- I was putting something in my car and as soon as he got next me he just lays down on the ground and starts puking. Yeah- i felt really bad. So I sat with him until he was finished- all he kept saying was "thank you" and "im sorry". When I first got there he had a hickey on his neck. I asked him who it was from- but he wouldnt tell me... said it happened friday and that he was really fucked up. After he puked all over the ground we went into the bathroom so he could wash his face- and he looked up in the mirror and saw that my mascara was smeared. He asked me if i cried at all that night.... obviously I told him no. Dont want him to know how he makes me feel anymore. I went to bed with him cause I was tired... but I woke up at 3:30 am and wanted to leave and he told me he really wanted me to stay with him- so i did.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP HURTING MYSELF LIKE THIS.
current mood:  blah
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
|
|
10:09 pm - sad
|
all the kittens at work have panleukopenia. (like parvovirus in dogs, but much harder to treat) so we have to put down all but the head-tilt kitty... very sad. (tear)
current mood:  worried
|
|
|
|
Sunday, September 14th, 2003
|
|
8:50 pm - low
|
I just wanted to say hi.
Is that so bad?
I'm in love with you.
I can barely eat
Hardly sleep
Pull me out of this
Let me know
Or let me go
For good
current mood:  melancholy
current music: none
|
|
|
|
Friday, September 12th, 2003
|
|
1:09 am - interesting night
|
Actually got a phone call and it was Sterling. Went over to his house- he was being interesting asking all sorts of questions. (like "have you been here before?") Sat down at the kitchen table and had a interesting convo over a few corona's. (he kept putting lime in mine for me, and cut himself ) He wants me to come to SevenPly to check out some skateboards. Said he could hook me up with a decent for for like 30 bucks. That would be cool. Also said he could help me learn how to skateboard. Even cooler. Once you get past his hair he actually is a really cute kid.
Been hanging out with Brent again. It's weird cause he acts like he is so interested in me but that is a BIG turnoff in my book for some reason. Maybe if he acted like he hated me I would be interested? that's how it goes with justin. He's mean to me, i fall in love with him. That seems really fucked up when I read it. Brent's a really good guy and I kinda wish i were interested- but there is no challenge there because I know he is interested. It kinda bugs me that everytime we are together he is really touchy feely and I don't like that. Dont wanna be touched all the time. Plus he still talks about Dannielle- no big deal really.... but for future reference- if you like a girl, do not talk about the girl you liked before her. Does not score you points. Unless it makes her jealous which just creates bad situations. Sorry I cant give you what you wanted too- but i have a nerotic obsession with the boy spoken of above.
Cant wait to go to Ekoostik Hookah tomorrow- hopefully no bad things happen. I wanna go to SevenPly really bad after I get this check im waiting for tew. Fun times.
current mood:  peaceful
current music: nothing really.
|
|
|
|
Thursday, September 11th, 2003
|
|
1:23 pm - Kristen is great
|
|
I saw her at meijer yesterday-and we decided to hang out. Elijah bit through his lip and had to get stitches :-( poor kid. He's been really cuddly lately- he kept coming over to me and putting his arms out, so i'd pick him up and he'd put his head on my shoulder and be all cute about it. AWWWW. Danny is really funny when he talks about ummm- anything. He should be a comedian. Ernie hung out with us tew cause I spotted him at meijer- we all went back to Kristen's house. I guess Chuck and Carrie's baby is really ugly.... I wanna see it though- i havent talked to them in the longest time. Babies are too time consuming. Of course- after work, Justin and Hankins came over to smoke- I didn't. Just sat there and watched them act like dumbasses. Andy Buenger and Todd called me. Said I should come over and hang out sometime. :-D I miss those guys. I've pretty much lost touch with a lot of people from Napoleon that I used to hang out with. The only girls that I hang out with anymore are Amanda and Kristen. They're cool- when I get my money back for my car me and Kristen are going on an all day shopping thing. It'll be great. Hopefully Danny will watch Elijah. I guess Danny is going to get stationed in Florida in January i think. That's gonna suck- because Kristen and Elijah are going with him. Eh- Justin will have the whole house to himself again- maybe he won't be such a dick anymore about his sister being there. Anywho- thats it- gotta go- talk to whoever cares later.
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
|
|
11:50 am - Some people are lame
|
I guess Dannielle is pissed at me because one of the days I had a lot of shit to do she called me and asked me to pick her up and I will ALWAYS pick her up if she needs a ride. But that day I had a lot of shit to do and after I picked her up I made a comment about how everyone wants me to pick them up and take them somewhere and that it seemed like I always was getting calls from dannielle that she needed a ride- I wouldnt have even said anything cause it normally doesnt bother me if she needs a ride, I was really bitchy that day though- I had WAAAYYYY too much to do. But now she is driving her car again and doesnt even call or anything so if one of you were in my position, wouldn't you think that that person really only did want you around for that reason? Anyways- this is the reason I dont like girls. Dannielle was my only girl friend..... but ive been hanging out with Amanda H alot lately..... she's funny. My car keys got locked in pet supplies plus because of her lol. She said I could move in with her which might be cool if I decided to do it.
I get 1,500 for my old car. They finally appraised it. So I get to pay the next payment on my car, catch up on some other bills, and buy new clothes and such. Maybe if I have enough I will buy a cheap digital camera. I hung out with Brent last night, went over to kellar's, got my hands on some smoke and some stackers, smoked them up, took brent home, and went over to Justin's for a little bit. He was so tired when I got there but Chris H wouldnt leave- so I told justin that I would wait for him inside (kinda trying to get chris to leave). Justin came in a few minutes later, so I tucked him in and he wanted me to lay with him but i knew he was tired and I was really up on certain things. I knew I would just keep him awake- so i told him night and left. Im kinda pissed because during all that driving I did last night I lost one of the hub caps on my car- went back today to see if I could find it anywhere- no such luck. Oh well- ill buy better ones once I get $.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: AFI
|
|
|
|
Saturday, September 6th, 2003
|
|
3:13 pm - ive been really down lately
|
Dont even know why. Im sick of the whole depression thing if thats even what this is. I dont want to have to take pills to be "normal" and I dont want to waste time talking to some person about my "issues" I dont HAVE "issues" Im just sad and I cant feel better sometimes.
I take this Justin thing too hard. Why cant I just get over it when I know he doesn't love me- or maybe doesnt even care about me as much as I care about him. Is it possible that maybe he does only want me for sex? Or could he ever really love me again? Maybe he never loved me in the first place? I don't want other guys. Especially the guys that meet me online and after about 5 sentences, "wanna call me? hyuck hyuck!" faggots. Why would I want to call you? And if I meet you at a party or something- yesh I might give you my phone number- but that doesn't mean I want to get with you. I like having people to talk to that's all. If it werent for justin- maybe. But Justin is a big factor and I cant drop the idea that he might want me back someday.
Yeah- I know.... I'm a BIG loser. Never again will I let any man get a hold on me like Justin did. NEVER. In any relationship I want to have the power, the control.... I definately don't like feeling like I need someone.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Eli's CD "Da Shit II" lol
|
|
|
|
|
8:26 am - umph
|
I am a very unloved person....everybody hates me. I think I am just a sex toy that people play with for a short period of time, but the put it in their little hiding spot until they want to play with it again. I was supposed to actually hang out with Justin last night. He was supposed to call me after he got off of work..... so I stayed up until about 2 am but must have fallen asleep shortly after that. I woke up when the phone rang only to realize that it is 8 am and it's not justin calling. Then i checked the caller id to see if justin had called. Guess what? he hadnt. So i checked the caller id on my cell phone to see if he had called. Guess what? he didn't. So i practically started balling right there. Im sick- I feel like shit- and the man that I am in love with for whatever reason hates me. Isnt my life great?!?
current mood:  lonely
current music: AFI sing the sorrow
|
|
|
|
Friday, September 5th, 2003
|
|
10:06 pm - cool
|
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
|
|
Monday, September 1st, 2003
|
|
10:11 pm - got a new car
|
1996 cavalier- its great- still miss my old car though. Dan bought me some patchouli from the shed and a bob marley sticker smoking a spliff and put it on the back of my car. Also i got a new steering wheel cover-its blue. :-) me so happy.
i had sex 6 times yesterday. go me!
current mood:  sore
current music: none
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
teen_dirtbag420's journal